I have developed a truly awful addiction...it's not something I'll ever be able to forgive myself for.
I'm completely addicted to Jason Derulo.
He keeps popping up on my mp3 player in amongst the Dylan (not for running to) and the Fleetwood Mac (I imagine you'd have to run in tie dye) and blasting me with his music. He has a rather cute penchant for just singing his own name at the beginning of every song - which is helpful in case you are not sure who the song is by and you haven't got time to Google it.
When did Google become a verb?
But anyway, the song I'm most addicted to is "Ridin' Solo" - this has become one of my 'Woohoo I'm single tunes'. Jason sings about how he's "puttin on his shades to cover up his eyes" - not sure if he's the next Stevie or he's been crying but it works, then he's "getting in his ride" and RIDING SOLO.
And I can kind of empathise with him. I mean, obviously I'm probably not wearing shades because it's cloudy and I'm getting on the tube anyway, not my ride, but I feel we're kindred spirits.
Jason just gets me. We have a lot in common. Probably. I'm quite good at forming wildly innapropriate attachments to people I have never and will never meet. Not sure I really want to meet Mr Derulo either. Does he always introduce himself in falsetto?
But I'd like to say thanks to him, because he does kind of preach about how s'alright to be a not so loved up loser. And actually, singledom just isn't as scary as I thought it would be. There are basically two long term options -
1. I will become married and loved in the style of a married face like...well, anyone you can think of that's married.
- this is, I suppose, what most people are aiming for along the way and means someone will give you special cuddles and think you are perfect. Until they marry you. And then it's hard for them to leave you because they've let themselves go and you might be entitled to the cat or their money.
2. I will be a hapless spinster in the style of Jeniffer Aniston.
- Now, lots of people feel sorry for Jen. But I think she's got it just right. By labelling herself 'unlucky in love' she has somehow managed to wangle a weekly spread in any magazine you care to pick up where they explain how they can't fathom how such a beautiful, wonderful, talented woman can stay single. So, no special cuddles and nights in with Corrie...but the vast majority of the world's adoration and a string of dates with rich eligible batchelors...where did it all go so wrong Jen?
Either way - winner! Obviously, the Jen approach relies on me becoming hopelessly famous and doing some exercise somewhere along the line...but if that fails there's always the Susan Boyle route right?
And maybe it's just not so bad to bumble around your life doing things in a solo selfish manner based on no one's opinion but your own?
I thought the world would fall apart when my relationship ended - turns out it was holding me back from everything that made me who I am. (I am actually squatting on a step Jeremy Kyle style here to do this slightly serious point). I thought it meant I was an unlovable hag who'd seriously messed up. Turns out I am a hag, but that's why the good lord invented L'Oreal so never mind. A relationship isn't always who you are and what you need, but it's quite addictive (just like damnable Derulo of the Jason variety) and the quicker you can shake off a bad one the quicker you remember what you were like before something so unhealthy took such a hold.
I think I'll attempt to wean myself off Derulo before I start wearing diamond encrusted Raybans and trying to pick up honeys. Mainly because I think honey smells like sneezes and I can't bear it, but also because the last time I had an addiction like this one I wound up buying the entire Gregory Peck box set and not leaving my room for a week. Le sigh, it's hard being a girl.