Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easier Terday

What a perfect day.

The brother and I have just eaten our Easter picnic of grilled trout (which I dropped an awful lot of parsley on so we now have speckly green teeth), tomato and mozarella (don't tell him but I didn't eat more than the two pieces of tomato he saw me eat because I only really wanted the mozarella) and chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

I've eaten so much chocolate that I fear if I go outside now I will just melt and chocolate will start oozing out of my toes. This could me misread and look a bit like I've pooped myself and so I feel it's safest right now to just stay on the opposite sofa to the brother and continue watching Green Wing. He is steadily chomping his way through his egg collection and showing no signs of nausea.

All this summer weather is having a really weird effect on me. Sunny weather makes me crave having a boyfriend. It would be a lot easier if the heat made me want ice cream or salad or BBQd food, but it doesn't... it makes me want to be adored. Which doesn't even make any sense if you think about it because having a man around only makes things hotter (in all sense of the word - there was a bit of smut! Coooo-eeee!).

I'm beginning to think perhaps I go into season around this time of year like an underplayed with spaniel. It's pretty well timed though because there's plenty of chocolate around to pad out my sorrows with. Maybe I'll melt all my chocolate into one disgusting juicy lump and make myself a fake boyfriend just to keep around for the summer. This will suit me perfectly because he'll have to stay in the house/fridge so I won't have to introduce him to anyone or worry about inviting him to social occasions where I want to be alone. Theoretically (content wise) he'll be fatter than me too so if people do meet him they'll think I'm a better person because I'm not fixated on looks.

I will call him Chocolat-Claude and he'll possible have Smarties for eyes (if I don't finish them while I'm making my blog). When it comes to Winter time he'll get eaten (by me) to keep me fattened for the colder months. This will make him the most useful boyfriend in the world.


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