Thursday, June 9, 2011

Park Life

Well I've hit 25 by 3:30 and have had to stop because I have run out of things to book now. Apparently this is a slow week so there isn't a lot to do... I'm told this will pick up. It's amazing how quickly the day goes - for someone who loves staionery and making different coloured marks on pieces of paper, this is is a dream job.

Tonight is my first gig since I gave up the proper job so I'll be taking along a specialy designed meter to see if my levels of funny have gone up now I have so much more brain power to put into my jokes. We shall see... the only trouble is my gig tonight is in a church and this is a scary idea. I can only hope that if my jokes aren't funny I will be swifly forgiven.

On my lunch breaks I've been taking a wander up the road to the very beautiful Regents Park. I do this for 3 main reasons -

1. I dislike the business of Oxford Circus and I'd do anything to be in a green space wherever possible.
2. I get to walk through the semi-circular houses from Oliver Twist and scream at passers by to "Buy a tossing rose you stingy bastard - can't you see what a nice day it is?!"
3. Lots of office people go exercising in Regents Park and lunch time and this is very funny to me.

There seem to be three main types of exercisers in Regents Park when I'm eating my hummus -

1. Serious mo fo exercise freaks - these are the people who have all the right gear, and have the right facial expression. The right exercise face has to be able to simulataneously show you that they are feeling pain, but they're not going to show it, and that the pain is giving them serious smugness. These people tend to jog because everybody knows jogging is the worst kind of exercise.

2. One Timers - these are people who have woken up this morning to notice that their partner hasn't tried to have morning sex with them for some time. They dutifully packed their trainers into their bag and decided to go for a run at lunch time to shed a few pounds. When they arrived at the office they made sure everybody else there noticed the trainers so that their efforts were properly appreciated. It wouldn't do to waste an exercise portion.

3. Drag-a-longers - these are divided in to two sub-sections:
     a) The Draggers - Overly cheery people who have comandeered their harassed work mates in to all going for a power walk together. The Dragger will be in front, smiling and laughing and geeing everybody up whilst saying how much hard work it is so that none of the others feel bad.
     b) The Draggees - These are my favourite lunchtime exercisers quite frankly. If they are being dragged on a power walk then they tend to have awkwardly paired trainers with some kind of pencil skirt and are attempting to pick the underwear out of their bum while they chase Sue from accounts further round the park. These are the lucky ones. Today I saw a particularly interesting specimen who was sweating profusely behind a tree while a loud, bright instructor made sure he was lifting a ball above his head in the correct manner for the best part of half an hour. The man looked hot, confused and angry about having had his lunchtime freedom taken away so cruelly.

I've not quite got to the point where I'm keen to do lunchtime exercise just yet. Instead I've declined the offer of a second Mini Egg (but not the first one or the chocolate brownie) and I'm wearing fit flops so that I'll get magically thin whilst sat down. There is every chance by next week I'll be showcasing my trainers round the office booking room at 8:45am...

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