1. As children and adults we are continually encouraged to practise hard at things we want to be good at. It's a widely recognised fact that 90% (figure increased from 72% in light of the recent phone hacking scandals) of the world's population are utter morons. Why not help to reduce that figure by sounding ideas out to yourself before you allow them passage into the wider world? You'll find people become less angry with you as less and less of your suggestions involve dressing up animals or trying to set light to homeless people.
2. It has been scientifically proven that familiarity is comforting to most people - now, I ask you, what could be more familiar than the sound of your own voice? If you are finding life too stressful, it's a good idea to surround yourself with your own dulcet tones and immediately reduce any pressure on yourself. Following this logic, other people's voices are bound to just annoy you and increase your stress levels - best not to talk to them. If someone does try and engage you in conversation just jam your fingers in your ears and run away. This process may also mean you need to avoid some of the more supremely annoying voices found in the popular broadcast media - this will include (but is not limited to) Ruby Wax, Alan Carr and Cheryl Cole.
3. People who regularly talk to themselves are mugged far less often than those who don't. You can use this system in the same way that people who are going on holiday leave lights or a radio on a timer to deter burglars - who is going to mug someone who clearly has not one, but two people occupying the residence between your ears? In addition to this deterrant, muggers are known to be absolute paralysed by fear at the thought of acquiring rabies - when talking to yourself, you might try dribbling slightly and staggering whilst muttering to yourself that you are avoiding Atticus Finch.
4. If you are particularly adept at doing accents you will find yourself much more intersting to talk to. In some cases this might also lead to you being significantly less racist than most people because you spend so much time around foreign people. In the long run this is only going to help the world as we slowly reduce the uncertaintly around people you do not share a cultural identity with.
5. When attending a job interview or other important event where you need to make a furiously good impression, it is important to always talk to yourself. By doing so you will vastly improve your chances of them remembering you as they seek to work out what newfangled technology you are using to communicate with your unseen chatting partner. Should they ask you, you can of course tell them that you are talking to yourself and then they will be floored by your staggering importance that people, including yourself, need to consult with you so urgently.
6. The world is a cruel place and sometimes people will not fully appreciate the effort you are going to in order to make them happy. Narrating your actions as you carry them out helps to give a full impression of the sort of work horse you are. This can be uniquely effective during sexual intercourse - try saying out loud, "Do you want to put that in your mouth? No! Then why do it? Because I am a loving giver." and your partner will probably have tears in their eyes by the time you come face to face again. This will also work if they are not being the sort of intimate playtime buddy that you were expecting, you might try; "Stop being so selfish *insert your own name here*, he is trying his best and not everyone can be the stud that Gerard is in your dream about the volcano." Your partner will be blown away by your levels of understanding and selflessness.
7. 87% of overweight people in the UK are fat - this is caused by many people simply not having enough hours in the day to exercise. Obesity can cause a vast array of illnesses ranging from heart disease to body odour and should be avoivided at all costs. By taking the conscious choice to talk to yourself day in day out you will be exercising your tongue, jaw, lungs, vocal chords and arms as you bat away people trying to take you into care. This is doing your bit to reduce strain on our mighty NHS and really be a part of The Big Society.
8. The vast majority of the magic words that have so far been discovered by humans were discovered completely by accident. "Open Sesame" was stumbled upon by a baffled tramp talking to the bun on his Whopper, and the cast of Harry Potter only came across their many spells and enchantments after the devious Ms Rowling slipped a little something fancy into their milkshakes. If you spend your day talking to yourself and trying out different combinations of words, you are far more likely to discover something magical and make a bit of a name for yourself. Thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters... Of course, no one could possibly predict which spells you will discover but there is a slight chance you might work out how to fix tyranny, how to fix democracy or how to fix Coldplay.
9. Old wives with tails across the world have long perpetuated the myth that talking to yourself is a sign of madness. People may try to accuse you of this and check your palm for hairs. By proudly taking up talking to ourselves we can silence these batty old hens and force them to stop sponging off the state and get a real job. By adhering to the belief that talking to yourself is madness you are relegating yourself to a level of so little importance that not even you will register your attendance in a conversation. Is this the sort of PR you want to do for yourself?
10. Over 14% people keep diaries in this blog. If you can even begin to contemplate the number of people that must therefore keep diaries worldwide then you will, naturally, be flabberghasted by the levels of paper that we are wasting with our own angst ridden outpourings. It's time to put a stop to this wilfull ruination of the rainforests to support our efforts to become the next Pepys or Jones. What we must put in place is the sort of popular disclaimer that coems on emails in this 21st century - "Please consider the environment before printing." - If, once you have spoken your entire thought log for the day out loud, you are still convinced that it needs to be preserved for posterity, then you must be shot.