Boomtown! I'm a receptionist this week in a fabulous building within walking distance of my house... goodbye trains and evil clothes made of leather and sequins, hello filing things and smiling at people who are graciously allowing me to make them coffee.
Obviously my mind is a teensy bit elsewhere what with the first installment of the London Festival Fringe shows tonight... the lights I have booked have still failed to materialise and I'm now trying to visualise an entire show in the dark. That'll be fine right? I mean, we've got a microphone... how important is seeing the comedian anyway? If all else fails I suppose I will just have to sit in front of the stage shining my mobile phone light on to the stage. That'll work.
It's such a beautiful day I refuse point blank to be too worried about anything... the building that I'm working in has a roof garden up on the 11th floor which has panoramic views of London. Absolutely incredible visions of The Gherkin, St Paul's Cathedral and The Shard. Although, actually my favourite building in London is The Strata - I think it looks great... it's the sort of building that I imagine Emporer Zurg living in should he take up architecture. Obviously the interior of the building would be an "Evil Theme" design, this means purple carpets throughout and a strong focus on shoulder pads. I imagine he'd be a big fan of Sharon Stone and green olives.
It's quite fun being a receptionist and the building I'm in is insanely cool so I'm playing a small game in my mind called "DEFEND THE RECEPTION". Basically, I am very important and my reception is a spaceship which is going on an important mission to rescue the world from some sort of disease (probably caused by pollen because I'm still quite angry).
My job is to keep the crew safe from cold calls and people without badges. The badges all have tiny versions of faces on them... mostly those would be the same face that's attached to the human who's come to visit. But sometimes the visitor will be a droid. Oh no! Then, the face on the badge won't match and it will be my job to blast them to pieces using my stellar head set. This hasn't actually happened yet but you never know when they will try and infiltrate so I have to be on my guard.
The job also requires telling a lot of hapless cold callers than someone I have never met is away from their desk... but, do you know, this is often a complete lie! Shock horror! It's very important that I don't let the crew of my ship be distracted form their important work or we may never reach our destination. Also, these cold callers might even be trying to sell us pollen and that could delay our research by hours! I am living in constant peril.
Soon it will be my lunch break and I will have to relinquish the reigns of the front desk and hope that no one moves my strategically placed post-it notes in an attempt to find the gap in the force field which lets people through to the sacred PAs. The PA is in need of the most defence because everyone knows they are easily flummoxed by a persistant pollen salesman, I am never to put calls through there unless I have their express permission. I could lose my eyes if I try.
It's a tough job but someone has to do it and I am willing to put my life on the line to fight for the safety of the Good Ship Laura. It is of course completely possible that it's only taken me 3 hours to crack... in which case it might be a long week.