Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Dream Catch Me

I dreamt last night that my front tooth fell out. I was really upset and worried that no one would ever love me again because I was a toothless cretin and I looked like a hobo. In my dream I was properly devastated about the loss of my tooth because I am nigh on obsessed with teeth cleaning. I genuinely love to floss, I can't bear not brushing at least twice a day and I really enjoy a good mouthwash. Of course, that's not to say I'm not sitting in my bed right now eating chocolates out of my tuck box, but I will literally get up and brush my teeth straight away when I've finished this blog.

In the dream I had lost my tooth and I needed to go to the dentist but while I was on my way to the dentist the dream changed and we were suddenly in a forest but we had to get off the ground and up into the trees because the werewolves were coming and the bears (who were on our side) had to put the electric magic cables into the ground to kill them. Anything that wasn't in a tree was going to get frazzled and it's a well known fact that werewolves can't climb trees.

The obvious thing to do was to check out what on earth all this nonsense meant, so, here we go:

I've picked this up from www.dreammoods.com and it discusses my toothy part of the dream:

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxieties about your appearance and how others perceive you. Your teeth help to convey an image of attractiveness and play an important role in the game of flirtation, whether it is flashing those pearly white, kissing or necking. Thus, such dreams may stem from a fear of rejection, sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. To support this notion, a dream research found that women in menopause report to have frequent dreams about teeth. This points to teeth dreams as being related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine. Teeth are an important feature to your attractiveness and how you are presented to others. Caring about how you look is natural and healthy.

Well, I mean bloody hell! If I wasn't paranoid about my looks before I went to bed, I am now! I actually thought I looked all right yesterday but clearly my subconscious was just doing something else when we made that decision. It's not supremely accurate because I don't fear rejection sexually, I've learnt to deal with sexual rejection by just never approaching anyone with that in mind. I let them come to me, you know? Obviously this is working out so well that I now have nights of the week bed socks and a hot water bottle in the shape of Lord Bath (cuddly but not predatory).

I really like that tagged on "Caring about how you look is natural and healthy" to make people feel better about the fact they are so vain they are literally having night mares about people not wanting to screw them. If I have this dream again tomorrow night I'm just going to embrace menopause and let the hot flushes rule me until I have no more teeth left to induce such panic.

Alarmingly, the onset of menopause isn't the most terrifying thing I have on my horizon:

To see a werewolf in your dream indicates that something in your life is not what it seems. It is symbolic of fear, repressed anger, and uncontrollable violence.
To dream that you are a werewolf suggests that some aspects of your personality are hurtful and even dangerous to your own well-being. You are headed down an undesirable path. Alternatively, a werewolf refers to your repressed instincts.

Well, cushion the blow why don't you Mr Dream Website... I mean damn. Uncontrollable violence? So, there's a chance I knocked my own tooth out and I won't be drying up any time soon? No wonder I'm worried about people rejecting me sexually if I have aspects of my own personality that are even upsetting me let alone everyone else out there.

I'm heading down an undesirable path? Well, yes, I'm well on my way to becoming a stand up comedian where only depression and obesity looms. I knew that, but I promise you if I was still trying out that 9-5 stuff I'd probably be dreaming I was a rabid werewolf with cancerous lumps and bad fashion sense.

There was a little bit of good news when it came to the bear section:

To see a bear in your dream symbolizes independence, the cycle of life, death and renewal, and resurrection. You are undergoing a period of introspection and thinking. The dream may also be a pun on "bare". Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open.

I really, really enjoy that my unconscious brain might be trying to get in on the joke writing action with its own attempts at poor jokes. I'm totes independent, obvs so perhaps I need to be a little more frank and honest in my preaching. I feel very sorry for the next audience I encounter. Look out Basingstoke, you are going to find out exactly why I cry every time Del Boy gets upset.

Now, looking for "electric trees" didn't get me any results because apparently they are not common enough (thank you brain for having a go at something uniquely barmy). So, we had to break it down a bit, but it didn't seem to fit:

To see lush green trees in your dream symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life.

But, unfortunately they weren't lush and green... they were massive and mass planted and built to carry electricity to keep me and the bears away from the werewolves. And we're back to the misery:

To see bare trees in your dream indicate used up energy. You have put your all into some relationship or project and now you are exhausted. Perhaps you are even feeling depressed.

Well, I'm not in a relationship and I sleep until at least midday most days. Also, it's 13:26 now and I'm very much still in bed. What's to be depressed about? I'm arguably one of the happiest people you'll ever meet (except for during certain episodes of Only Fools and Horses). I can only assume it's the energy I've been putting in to my baking lately... those sweet treats have been draining my life essence and making me dream all this crud. This makes a lot of sense, presumably with less cake around my teeth would be more inclined to stay in my head too.

To dream of electricity symbolizes vigor and life energy. You need to be revitalized. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to conserve your energy.

Well, fuck it, that's pretty conclusive isn't it? Is there nothing you can dream about that just means "lively mind and a penchant for seeking out shiny things" ? How am I going to get more energy into my system if I'm not allowed to bake cakes any more? They are my main source of sugar. This is frankly ridiculous.

To sum up, according to last night's dream I am depressed because I'm a hideous, menopausal wench that can't get laid and so I've become scared of my own personality. It's all going straight down the crapper unless I really start telling people about what's up and stop baking and telling jokes immediately. It's largely because I'm tired so sleeping more than my current 11 hours a night is advisable.

I think I was happier when we blamed this kind of crap on cheese.

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