Friday, December 30, 2011

Just Can't Get You Out of My Head (Woof)

I've spent the vast majority of my day thinking about The Dog's Trust. But, not the real Dog's Trust... a sort of weird Dog's Trust that's gotten progressively weirder as my day's continued... it all started with a stupid thought that popped into my head this morning when I went to work with my father. I duly Tweeted the stupid thought and thought that would be the end of it because Twitter has become my very own Pensieve. Here was my stupid Tweet:

The dog's trust never put a healthy dog down. They must have terribly tired arms.

Barely even worth copying and pasting here... it's the sort of joke that my Dad would come out with and I'd groan a bit and be cross with him for being so awful. But then it sort of started an avalanche of thoughts.

Really, you'd think it'd be the sick ones they'd carry wouldn't you?

I now have images of Dog's Trust employees wading through mountains of sick puppies with arms full of perfectly healthy Terriers yelping "Save the others!". Like some sort of scene from the Titanic lifeboats.  There are squashed dogs everywhere and the healthy ones are insisting they can be merrily independent but the big bosses are squawking about their "Creed". There's a small person in the corner pointing out that the poster boy for their campaign has the voice of a similarly homeless donkey and so it shouldn't be too upsetting to just pop a healthy Retriever onto the counter for a minute.

How do they get any paperwork done when they're always holding at least one dog? What sort of dog to volunteer ratio do they need? Do they need harnesses to keep the little nippers off the floor? Is it all some kind of canine Off Ground Touch conspiracy?

It makes the people of the Dog's Trust seem crueller than a Fascist regime where the sick and the dying are left scattered around the floor while the healthy ones are paraded around despite their obvious ability to walk unaided. Weird. The healthy dogs are only going to end up getting sick if they never exercise and are always supported in a way they shouldn't really be supported. Unless that's the plan? To carry the dogs until they get sick and then it's all right to hit them with a rock?

I don't think it promotes a good image for The Dog's Trust. They must have a lot of dogs... how on earth are they managing it? Unless they only have very small dogs and are adopting Paris Hilton's handbag technique? I hope they don't have Battery Dogs. I feel very sorry for the intern who ends up on Great Dane duty.

And it has continued in this vein all day... kill me.

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