Saturday, December 31, 2011

Resolutely Myself

The next person to ask me my New Year's Resolutions is going to get more than they bargained for because it's starting to irritate me quite a lot. I find the whole concept of them really pesky and misguided. I've been thinking about it for around 2 weeks now as I try and decide whether I'm going to make any and, as is my usual pattern, I've now thought about them too much and decided I hate them.

Admitting you've made a New Year's Resolution is like holding up your hand to the fact that you're terribly poorly motivated and don't have the focus and dedication to live your life as you want to all the time. It's like saying you cram all your eggs into January's basket and then rest of the year just go, "Ooh, aren't I awful."


Why can't you just make the most of your life all the time?

I know I'm not perfect... I'm far from perfect. Not as far as Hitler and Jodie Marsh, but loitering somewhere near the Tess Dalys and the Patrick Kieltys of this world... they don't make you want to hurt them but you can't remember why you've heard of them and why they always seem to be annoying you.

However, having been home for just over a week I have found I am increasingly being called lazy by my dearest mother. If it happens again I'm going to go to great lengths to show her how unlazy I actually am by organising her the best funeral one can despite her obvious protestations about her own alive-ness. I don't mind being called annoying, loud, attention seeking, moody or difficult because they are all outstandingly true (I will also listen to compliments too should they be thrown my way) but I really take umbridge at lazy because I think it's an ugly accusation and it really doesn't suit me.

Anything I really set my heart on being or doing gets done to the best of my ability, sometimes a little bit too anally retentively. Hence my dislike of New Year's Resolutions... I can't think of anything I want to set my mind to that I haven't already done:

Comedy - working on it.
Writing - got a book and a blog on the go.
Becoming more domesticated - baking at a rate of knots and have almost solved the bed sheet conundrum.
Seeing Family & Friends - I am so sociable it almost seems as though I have a paranoia about being alone (also the fact that all my alone time is spent sending blogs out into the wild blue yonder supports that theory).

Those seem to have the basics of most people's plans to achieve their dreams in 2012 covered. Now, I'm not saying that I'm cross about people aspiring to do things - what I'm cross about is that we all seem to have this desire to be and achieve greatness but we let so much crap get in the way of it the whole year round. Then we plough into being who we dream of being for 2 weeks before giving up and sinking back into our slumps again.


Why is it so freaking difficult to be who you want to be? We must all feel the same or there wouldn't be this hideous tradition of ritual promises to ourselves?

I know I'm small minded about it, not everyone has the confidence or the support to be as gung ho about getting on with things as I am. But, surely, this means that comfort and their existing life is more precious to them than the chance of what they're dreaming of? So... shouldn't that make your New Year's Resolution to evaluate how and why you are where you are? Perhaps, you haven't changed these things about yourself because the chance of attaining what you think you want isn't as good as what you're preserving already?

It's all very well to want to read the works of Charles Dickens in a year but have you considered that you haven't done it because it's boring and you actually prefer Modern Family? Maybe the classics aren't for you or you'd have done it in April.

I don't know... I'm waffling and rambling. But it seems irritating to me when people talk about themselves as though they have diminished responsibility for their actions and life. As though things get in the way or they have these unchangeable traits that make it impossible to be this better person they have in their head. Maybe you're fine the way you are and we'd all be a lot happier if we admitted that we like our lives or we'd seriously want to change them at other times.

Happy New Year.

ps - I will add that some of you are absolute fuckwits and should definitely make as many Resolutions as possible because you're awful and need help.

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