Friday, January 18, 2013


My first feelings towards 2013 are that it is still just as tedious as 2012. My Twitter feed has just substituted the word 'Mayan' for either "Snow!" or "Horses" - neither of which are making me stop looking at Twitter, they're just making me hate myself and it while I do it. I can barely think of a single one of my Facebook friends whose garden I have seen a photo of when it's not snowing. Listen folks, I don't know how impressed to be of your snowy garden when I don't know what it normally looks like. For all I know you're all just jogging on to Google images and collecting a blurry image of a garden and whacking it up there for all the world to like. I don't mind people being excited about phenomenons like Tesco having no moral standards or a cyclical annual weather pattern, but try and give me some perspective on it.

I would like a picture of your garden in the summer please, so I can say, "Hey, yeah, that IS a lot of snow." Or, if you say "Oh my god I can't believe we don't deal with snow like Canadians do even though it's perfectly logical, it's taken me an HOUR to get home." tell me how long it normally takes you, in case I think, "Well, that's remarkably quick to get from your office in Staffordshire down to your perpetually snowy garden in Penzance."

When you're outraged about Tesco and the horse meat, please also explain to me the best friend you had as a child who was a horse so that I'm clear as to why you'd be cross about eating a four legged animal bred for the purpose. Also, remind me why four pints of milk for a pound doesn't upset you, so that I know why you've chosen your moral outrage points and I don't have to assume it's because "horse meat" sounds funny and the papers told you to be cross.

I like snow. I like horses. I like most people. But my God doesn't social media just drain the moron out of all us and spread it like a paste across our screens.

In other news, 2013 is generally going swimmingly when I'm away from my computer. Some exciting developments in this itchy thing I call a career have started to sprout, and my New Years Resolution was to cheer up. As part of my cheering up process I've just booked a holiday (yes, naturally it has started bucketing with snow just before I'm due to fly) to Prague. I've never been on holiday as a grown up person, I mean, I went to Magaluf when I was at Uni but as I only slept for 13 hours in 5 days I don't count myself as having been of adult mind when I was there. Truth be told, I don't think I was of sound mind when I agreed to go but that's another story. Let's just say, I shan't be going again, I don't remember what happened on the balcony and it wasn't my bra. Ok. Back to Prague. I know nothing about Prague except that, and this is a fun fact, it had the cheapest flights and hotels available when I was booking on Wednesday. So, how exciting!

I hope your 2013 is off to a good start and you've got all the instagram apps you need to enjoy the weekend. I have to go now because I've just received an email that starts like this:

"Dear friends, 

The US is about to treat the world to the first genetically modified meat: a mutant salmon that could wipe out wild salmon populations and threaten human health -- but we can stop it now before our plates are filled with suspicious Frankenfish."

...and I need to go away and think about whether or not I would prefer GM foods or billions of people starving as we decimate natural sources of food and increase the number of people on the planet to an increasingly unsustainable level.


1 comment:

  1. It's actually scary that I am literally just about to pen a post about social media too! Hoping it won't be a rant. Clearly 2013 is the year to hate on social media...despite the fact I'll continue to whore myself out on it.

    In other news, proper jealous you're going to Prague. I wanna take Colin there in the spring. It's beautiful, let me know if you need heads up on where to go, what to do, which public bin you're allowed to be sick in (hen do). -x-