Yesterday I was quite unintentionally privvy to one of the single greatest conversations I've ever heard. There were 3 wealthy ladies in the shop I sometimes frequent (I mean, I work there but I'm not meant to make a big deal of that so that people think I'm a much more prolific comedian than I acutally am) and they were buying an egg poacher. They then had the following conversation:
Lady 1: Have you switched over to duck eggs now then?
Lady 2: Oh yes! Oh, they're so much better. I couldn't live without them.
My Thought: You definitely could... unless you were, like, a goanna, or something. Eggs = not essential.
Lady 1: Oh I know! They're so much better. I don't regret the switch at all.
My Thought: Who has ever "regretted" a switch to duck eggs? 1. Duck eggs are excellent. 2. If you didn't like the first one you tried, you wouldn't consider it a regrettable switch, you'd just say "I tried a duck egg, it was yucky." and not have another one.
Lady 2: How did you get on to them in the first place?
Lady 1: Well, we were in America, and we were eating these eggs. And they had white shells, and they just tatsed like the eggs we used to have as children. You know how eggs have changed flavour over the years...
My Thought: Uh...
Lady 2: Yeah.
My Thought: Are you kidding? What has happened to the genetic make up of a chicken over the last 30 years that has significantly changed the flavour? I suspect you are a tedious prick.
Lady 1: Well, they had white shells. So the people we were with said, try eating white shelled eggs. Because of course, everyone thinks they want brown eggs these days...
My Thought: Do we?
Lady 1 (cont): ... but really that's just all the flavour going into the shell.
My Thought: Hold up. Hang on. All the flavour going into the shell? Are you mental? How is this flavour getting in the shell? Is evolution telling chickens that if the shell is tastier they're less likely to get their shells goanna'd? Give over. Also, which unlucky bastard are you imagining had the job of eating a bowl full of white egg shells followed by a bowl full of brown egg shells to test whether eggs shells were getting tastier as these ladies got older?
Lady 1 (cont): ...So I went to Sainsbury's to get some white eggs but they didn't have any. But they did have duck eggs with white shells so I bought those. And they were right, my American friends, because they are SO much better.
My Thought: Sweet Jesus what is wrong with you? Of course they were better - they're a different product! That's like someone saying, "Ooh, a Prius is a good car." and you going and buying a Bugatti and saying "You're right! This IS a great car!"
Lady 2: I don't even care that they're twice the price - they're worth it.
Lady 1 (To me, winking): You'll be on to duck eggs now, won't you?!
Me: Ha. Here's your receipt. Good bye.
Author's Note: The third lady didn't say anything. I suspect she hates her friends.